Home Sweet Dumpster

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Nice to see that Oscar the Grouch is moving up in the world. This is Upper East Side level swank!

Welcome to Endor

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Liar, this isn't Oregon. You were clearly hired by the Ewoks as a carpenter to build their fancy houses. They love hippies with weird wooden fans.

Just Keep Telling Yourself That

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I don't think a simple handrail could help me not feel like I'm waking up in my own coffin every morning but you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Pound the Table

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Nothing like a good old fashioned drum circle with the family. Wait. Yes there is, it's called TV and it's way better.

JUST Like Michaelangelo!

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I hope when you sell the place, you throw in a few dozen gallons of good ol eggshell white.

Oh Behave!

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Yes, I'd like thousands of my hard earned dollars to go to a machine that plays me soothing music and sprays my ass with warm water in different patterns. Priorities.

Lazy Bums Rejoice!

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Do you really have to stand there and supervise it? You'll make it nervous!