I hope when you sell the place, you throw in a few dozen gallons of good ol eggshell white.
I would never clean my house if I had this table, I'd just open and close it over and over and over again just to watch it. Ooooohhh.
Oh hey, thanks for all your awesome ideas for what my name should be. Sara's right you know, I am female. After some tough soul searching I've decided to go with Fleur Planne as suggested by Denita TwoDragons. You guys are hilarious.