I know a few crazy insane fools who run stairs for fun and exercise. Even if they played my favorite song as I went up and down I still don't think I could handle it.

This should keep the arguments about yardage gained to a minimum.

Fire in a fireplace is overrated. Scraping wax off your pretty, shiny painted floor is way more fun than sweeping up soot anyhow.

It's good to see they have satellite TV as there's clearly nothing good to look at around here.

I'm pretty sure just walking into this kitchen would get me to wake right up every morning. No need for coffee!

Everyone please stand RIGHT HERE and look at my couch. Okay thanks for coming over, bye!

Why don't you ever come to the door? Banging on the window with your forked tongue startles me every time!