u reed slow i dun dis page

an den frodo an da sebben dwarfs simply walked into mordor srsly, yuz gonna haf to lern tu read...

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

" and shining morning face, creeping like a snail unwillingly to school" Shakespeare Snail in school? Dis guy's a putz dat's fur shur.

so you're reading me a story about a cat with an eating disorder. nice. now that the gloves are off, how long's it been since you had a date?

I`m in ur room reading ur diary

Betsey had clearly been reading Jane Austen again