How to Get Thrown Out of a Restaurant

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How to Get Thrown Out of a Restaurant
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You can put the ketchup to good use just making it LOOK like you killed yourself. Much smarter.

Flattery Gets You Everywhere

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Flattery Gets You Everywhere
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If I finish my food and write about how terrible it was, will they give me my money back?

This is Not a Plate

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This is Not a Plate
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Silly plate, why would I ever use you for food? You think I stole all those dishes from Denny's over the years to EAT off them? They're clearly for decoration purposes only.

Sunny Side Up Derps

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Sunny Side Up Derps
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Start your day off with a little wonky-eyed derpitude. You won't even care about how much your day sucks!

I Want it Still Mooing

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I Want it Still Mooing
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By FocusRoam Photography (Lesley Call) (Via: farm8.staticflickr.com)
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Your food has a face, deal with it.

Fill it With Gravy!

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Fill it With Gravy!
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The one plate limit at a salad bar is ridiculous, but this is also great for those of us who love the Old Country Buffet but hate walking all the way back for seconds.

Free Pancakes From the Tyranny of Syrup

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Free Pancakes From the Tyranny of Syrup
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Flavor my pancakes, don't drown them. Bonus, if you're a godless heathen you can use the reservoir of syrup for bacon dunking. Freak.