Is the crust stuffed with hallucinogenic mushrooms? Because that's the only way to really send this pie over the top.

I've always wanted a slice of pizza that never goes bad so I can just look at it all day, every day.

You didn't use a question mark, this is an odd statement.

Since when do we not want human intervention in our pizzas? I want that crust tossed by a mustachio'd man or no deal!

Okay I get it, you don't like crust! You're never eating pizza with me again.

I'm all out of hamburger buns, all I've got are these frozen pizzas. It will have to do.

Well if you're lucky he'll protect you from vampires so you may as well share.