So I take it there's no caffeine in this?

You're industrious enough to rig up a complicated drinking apparatus, but too lazy to close the curtains to cut down on screen glare? Amateur.

My hair is out of control and my hands just aren't up to it.

I saw at least eight dudes dressed like bananas this Halloween. Is it this dude's fault?

Just get your face in there like the dog you clearly are.

Hey Mr. Drunky, let's get drunky! hic

This happens in my backyard all the time. Living next to Jurassic park does have its drawbacks.