july

Miss July Turn-ons: long walks on a bearskin rug, naps, catnip, sandy litterboxes, naps, tuna, naps, whipping cream.

Turn-offs: doggies, baths, Aunt Bertha, baths, dry cat food, baths, the vet, baths, Big Bird, baths, rocking chairs.

Oh No! Taylor Swift read your Tweet and thinks it’s about her. Now she’s coming for you. Who do you enlist to help you in your fight against Taylor Swift? Aaron Paul and Nicki Minaj have both offered to help.

Reply NICKI or AARON to continue.

Reply ADVENTURE2 to start over.

After a momentary brawl and some comments from Katy Perry in the sidelines SOMEONE managed to make Taylor understand that your Tweet wasn’t about her. She’s apologized and offered you a place among her pantheon of hot friends. Together you break the internet and have the best weekend EVER! Hooray!


Reply ADVENTURE2 to play again.

So you decided to eat the bag of gummy bears and go to a friends house to watch Netflix and chill. After a VERY awkward misunderstanding of what "Netflix and chill" means on your part (how could you not know what that means?) you feel the volcanic rumblings in your tummy from the gummy bears.

Goodbye weekend, you’re spending the rest of your life on the toilet.

Reply ADVENTURE2 to start again.

Aaron Paul plans to use pancakes to negotiate between you and T.Swift but she utterly ignores his efforts. He offers to buy you brunch but on the way you realize too late that he is the ultimate method actor. You die in a broken down RV during a shootout with Tuco Salamanca. Take THAT Jared Leto.

Oh, sorry about your weekend, bud.

Reply ADVENTURE2 to start over.

Amazon is having another Prime Day so you decide to check out what’s available and order some food online. Surprise! The only edible things available are a 5lb bag of sugar free gummy bears or a crate of candy necklaces. Do you post your disappointment on Social Media or settle for a 5lb bag of gummy bears and go watch some Netflix and chill?

Reply GUMMY BEARS or SOCIAL MEDIA  to continue.

Reply ADVENTURE2 to go back to the beginning.

You go to your friendly local Kentucky Fried Taco Hut and order a McTriple Down Breakfast QuesaPoutineRito.  Satisfied with your meal you find a comfortable spot to lie down and prepare to enter a 28 year food coma. See you in 2043!

Reply ADVENTURE2  to start over.

Uhhh ok there, buddy. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re kind of a third wheel in this arrangement? You know what, forget I even said anything, it’s time to eat. What do you want? Will you order something off Amazon or stop at your favorite fast food place and order off the secret menu?

Reply AMAZON or SECRET to continue your adventure.
Reply ADVENTURE2 to start again.

You decided to go on the Waterslide of Death. It turns out the name was more than just hyperbole. You are dead. RIP perfect summer weekend.

Reply ADVENTURE2 to go back to the beginning.

You managed to escape your terrible boss. Maybe you can convince him that you just didn't hear him trying to get your attention. What will you do with your weekend now? Go to a water park or perhaps just hang with some friends?

Reply WATERPARK or HANG to continue your adventure!

Reply ADVENTURE2 to start over.

Uuuuugggggh, you got stuck talking to this guy and now you have to go to your boss's "bachelor pad" housewarming bar-b-que! That's what you get when your boss is a Batman Villain.  At least things might get interesting once the party dies down and you get to hear the gruesome details of his ongoing divorce between sobs.... 

Actually that doesn't sound great at all.  Either way, your journey ends here. 

Reply ADVENTURE2 to go back to the beginning.

It’s Friday, you’re ready for the weekend but you see your boss coming down the hallway to tell you one last thing before you make a break for it. Do you stop to hear what he has to say or escape out the door in the opposite direction?


Reply STOP or ESCAPE to continue your adventure!