For the enjoyment of our first class passengers, the flight attendants are handing out complementary travel size rolls of toilet paper.
Captain Kitteh
Unfortunately some birdies got sucked into the jet engines. Flight attendants will be coming around with complimentary appetizers.
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Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we're going to be delayed for another 3 hours. The captain has decided to take a spontaneous nap on the runway.
By Unknown
We are currently cruising at 35,000 feet Would all dogs proceed to the nearest exit. Thank you.
Under our new seating policies, first class passengers will be entitled to boxes lined with fleece blankies.
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Good Morning Passengers At this time we offer early boarding for Business Cat Class
Please help yourself to our complimentary snack sized bags of kibbles. Our galley kitchen is not equipped to store carry-on fresh prey.
May I have your attention... I have been informed by the TSA that someone is smuggling nip on this flight. It is a crime not to share.
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My apologies for flying in circles. The copilot is a dog and he's trying to catch the tail assembly.
In the unlikely event of a water landing Someone please save me! I can't swim.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE REACHED OUR CRUSING ALTITUDE FEEL FREE TO TURN ON YOUR ELECTRONIC CAN OPENERS
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In the event of an emergency, shiny dangly things will drop down from the overhead compartment to distract you.
We will now begin our descent by circling the runway 30 times and then land where it is least convenient for the airport.
Ladies and Gentlemen: If you look off to your left you will see A BIRD! A BIRD! OMG, IT'S A BIRD!
Ladies and Gentlemen: Please ignore the hissing coming over the loudspeaker, the captain in the next plane over is looking at me.
Via That's So Meme
GOOD EVENING PASSENGERS, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE IN-FLIGHT SAFETY CHECK AS I PLAY WITH THE DANGLY BITS ON YOUR LIFEJACKET
