I'm a pwofessional gwump. I take my job vewy sewious.

ai heer dat jawb offurz a grayt retiremint pakkaj!

SERIOUSLY BRO THROW ANOTHER ONE

Aifink hez tawkin 2 u, Mr. Prezidentz.

Dear Santa, Wuz naugti but wuz wurf it. Srsly, Muffin

Come into the woods... deep into the woods.... and bring noms. Seriously. We have Wi-Fi, and cappuccinos.

Nope, just a door. Not a portal to an eternal basement of brimstone and blackness. Seriously! Go on thru and find out!

Srsly. When have I ever smiled like that?

Mai teh blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. srsly srsly srsly srsly srsly srsly srsly vry srsly