There, I unbunched your panties. May now you can has a rational debate?

Gud newz! Dad is OK! Hiz hed is nawt wher yu sed it wuz!

You need to enunciate your words... it's "cactus" not "catnip"!

When I sed git mi sumthing slinky for my birthday, dis iz not whut I meant!

YOU'RE BIPOLAR? WELL...ARE WE AT THE NORTH OR THE SOUTH POLE RIGHT NOW?

They told me to post my complaints... ...It's not working.

You can see why I called you over here. I'm going to need help getting the bird that laid THAT egg.