We are currently cruising at 35,000 feet Would all dogs proceed to the nearest exit. Thank you.

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Please help yourself to our complimentary snack sized bags of kibbles. Our galley kitchen is not equipped to store carry-on fresh prey.

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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE REACHED OUR CRUSING ALTITUDE FEEL FREE TO TURN ON YOUR ELECTRONIC CAN OPENERS

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In the event of an emergency, shiny dangly things will drop down from the overhead compartment to distract you.

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We will now begin our descent by circling the runway 30 times and then land where it is least convenient for the airport.

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Ladies and Gentlemen: Please ignore the hissing coming over the loudspeaker, the captain in the next plane over is looking at me.

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PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS THAT CLOUD LOOKS LIKE A BALL OF YARN

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