You are the Worst Kind of Human

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You are the Worst Kind of Human
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Okay I get it, you don't like crust! You're never eating pizza with me again.

Pint Lock is a Jerk

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Pint Lock is a Jerk
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Let me in dammit! When I need ice cream I need it NOW!

Shut Up. Pie

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Shut Up. Pie
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Don't be such a martyr. Are you going to insist on doing the dishes while we all eat you too? Ugh.

Jerk Onion

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Jerk Onion
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Look at that sadistic grin as he watches me cry. I hate that guy.

Scumbag DNA

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Scumbag DNA
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Why can't carrots and quinoa be the most delicious thing on the planet? My waistline hates you, DNA.

Oh Ho Ho Aren't You Clever?

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Oh Ho Ho Aren't You Clever?
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Just wait until a real woman comes along and slams your hand in the thing. I doubt she'll stick around to nurse you back to health, you big baby.