In his deepest darkest fantasies all he really wanted to be was a doorstop.

I'm editing my will right now to stipulate that I will be buried with all my worldly belongings inside a pyramid shaped watermelon.

BTW, happy National Watermelon Day! Yaaaaaay!

I'm pretty sure when you've reached the bottom of a can this large you're dealing with some nasty, flat, warm dregs.

They said "You can't put noodles on a pizza." I told them "Crazy like a fox!"

Life threatening stunts are totally worth the wheel of cheese you may or may not win at the bottom of the hill.

Hot sauce is a major component of my diet, I need to know how good it is for me.

Michael Bay thinks this should be changed to a friendly alien banana.