Honey I made you a giant calzone for dinner! JK! I can't cook!
Just give me the meat and no one gets beat.
Did you know AMERICAN POLICE get all the McDonald's they can eat? True story!*
*Not a true story.
I call happy hour "journaling."
So, does the pizza double as a dance floor? Because I'd never get that thing on my table.
Don't Lie Now!
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