The couch needs a little more time to cook, but it should be pillowy soft in no time.

I hate having houseguests who drool all over, and then eat, my furniture.

Wait, is is supposed to look like a Lazy Boy or was it decorated by a Lazy Boy?

You're industrious enough to rig up a complicated drinking apparatus, but too lazy to close the curtains to cut down on screen glare? Amateur.

Make sure to pull of their eyes before you eat them. First because they are inedible, and second because it's just perfectly sick.