Green as the hills, sharp as a razor.

Don't you hate how there always seems to be someone around when you trip and fall on your face?

It's almost worth the year-round dampness!

At least he keeps the neighborhood cats from fighting. By eating them.

No one ever sends me mail anymore anyway. Sigh.

The porch roof will never leak. Never ever. Promise.

This should keep the arguments about yardage gained to a minimum.