I recommend buying your overzealous neighbors fire extinguishers as Halloween gifts. That's a thing, right?
I say burn the end table first, then start on the wood in the rack.
You're gonna singe your leather couch there with your ultra-realistic, I-totally-believe-it's-there fireplace.
Honey, I can't read my Dwell magazine, can you light some more candles?
Oh since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell, under the old dead oak tree it's a... walless, drafty fire hazard?
Don't worry, they've subtracted the burned portion from the listed square footage. It's like it doesn't even exist!
Get out, get out quick! The fire, it's right behind your house! I mean... cliff. What? No, I was totally kidding I swear.
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