Watch your step, boy, or I'll scratch you so hard, you'll be howlin' for a week! You realize you've been declawed, right?

u r such a nawty kitteh!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER EVER EVER EVER COMING HOME EVER SO I PANICKED

Don't worry.. yu dint hurt mah ball wen yu stepped on it. Ai guess onlee kittehs land on der paws. Hoomins land on der butts.

doez u need sum assistance??

Did ai do bad? Wuz ai nawt sposed ta hump ur muvver in lawz leg?

mebbe u shod taek it slowur nekst tiem?

You fell down. Would slobbering on you help?

yep, ai fink dat will doo da twick!

Shood... Shood I get sumone?

ouch, ouch and more ouch!