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how awful! are you hurt real bad? this is terrible! now who will feed me? and how long will you need my couch?
SAVE YOURSELVES! NO COME BACK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY DON'T BE STUPID AND PICK ME UP HEROICLY. COME BAAACCKKK.
call an ambulance! i fell and hurt myself. and pizza delivery! i'm also a bit peckish.