It's hard out there for a melon.

Welcome back from jail! Enjoy your Paris Hilton!

Look, you can still eat the ones on top, they probably don't have any cat hair on them yet.

Is there anything sadder than a grown man recording himself crying alone in his generic apartment? I weep for you, sir.

Look at that sadistic grin as he watches me cry. I hate that guy.

Let's just pretend that the cats got me a cake.

It's a war zone in there.