I need the coffee to wake me up from the inside, not scare me awake with its terrifying face.
It's better to floss the bacon out of your teeth with bacon floss than to just let the bacon chill between your teeth all day.
I'm just gonna take this mug into the bathroom with me. Kill two birds, if you will.
I'm tired of the same old miracle every morning. Do you have anything in a baby Jesus?
Just pray that there's a restroom nearby. you're gonna get cleaned out nuclear style.
Cats are up all night man, you can't live like this.
Don't get cheeky with me, cup, I emancipated you from the clutches of that evil burger-slinging clown!
Stop hiding caffeine in chocolate. Just chew on some coffee and call it good.