GET OFF MY RUINS!
Can you get this letter to my sister in Oregon? Do I look like Kevin Costner to you?
ADDICTIONS THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE, JAKE'S ADDICTIONS, IN ORDER, WERE: CIGARETTES, BEER, LIQUOR, POT, COCAINE, METHAMPHETAMINES, HEROIN AND FINALLY, FATALLY, RAW UNBONED CHICKEN.
Dad's eating a goose! "Down the hatch!"
I've seen the future... and unfortunately you hit puberty while I remain eternally adorable.
Yes, Mom. He's teething. I remembered you said you used to use whiskey when I was teething. I didn't have whiskey so I made him a White Russian. What do you mean, rub it on his gums?