LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE REACHED OUR CRUSING ALTITUDE FEEL FREE TO TURN ON YOUR ELECTRONIC CAN OPENERS
In the event of an emergency, shiny dangly things will drop down from the overhead compartment to distract you.
We will now begin our descent by circling the runway 30 times and then land where it is least convenient for the airport.
Ladies and Gentlemen: If you look off to your left you will see A BIRD! A BIRD! OMG, IT'S A BIRD!
Ladies and Gentlemen: Please ignore the hissing coming over the loudspeaker, the captain in the next plane over is looking at me.
PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS THAT CLOUD LOOKS LIKE A BALL OF YARN