Rules of Failure: If at first you don't succeed,destroy all evidence that you tried.
Your evidence is circumstantial. And your lamp was hideous.
The dog's story that 'Floyd moved to Florida' turned out to be a lie as became apparent upon moving the couch...
Spagetti-os? What Spagetti-os?
OH, DA NANNY CAM WAZ ON?.... I WAZ JUS WATERIN DA PLANTZ
PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY FAIL
Spilleded katsup? Noe, Ai don' kno 'bout no spilleded katsup...