Today's Medal Count: China Continues to Reign Supreme

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As the day draws to a close, China holds a healthy lead of five golds in front of Team USA, while Italy continues its freefall following their strong start last weekend. Don't feel bad Italians, you can always take solace in your super cool sports cars, Renaissance painters, and five-time Academy Award winning director Federico Fellini.

Kohei Uchimura Wins Men's All-Around Gymnastics

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Kohei Uchimura (aka Gymnastics-Jesus) took Gold in the Men's Gymnastics All-Arounds! Marcel Ngyuen of Germany won Silver! Danell Leyva of U.S.A. won Bronze!

AND NONE FOR GRETCHEN WEINERS.

Today's Medal Count: China and Team USA Remain Neck-And-Neck

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On a day where Team USA won a score of medals, China kept pace and remains the overall leader based on golds.


After a quick start, Italy has been dropped out of the top five. Don't worry Italians, you'll always have scenic countrysides, the Trevi Fountain, and Nobel Prize Winner in Physics Enrico Fermi.

Phelps Sets Record for Olympic Medals in 4x200 Freestyle

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Lawl, that was ridiculous.

In a race that was noooowhere near close, the US Men's Swim Team destroyed the field what was a largely uncontested race. But the big news is that MICHAEL PHELPS NOW HOLDS THE RECORD FOR MOST MEDALS IN OLYMPIC HISTORY FOR AN INDIVIDUAL!

The US Relay Team won by almost three whole seconds, just shy of the World Record set by themselves in 2008.

This makes Phelps' 19th medal. Yeah. You read that right. 19. slow clap

Sad Kim Jong Un is Sad as North Korean Women's Soccer Lose to Team U.S.A.

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AWWWWWWWWW POOR NORTH KOREA.

The U.S. Women won their soccer game against North Korea with a score of 1-0 today. With this win the U.S. are now at the top of their group with nine points, ready to move on to the next round!

No word yet on what ridiculous explanation North Korean officials will come up with to explain their Ladies' loss.

Possible reasons North Korean Women Lost:

1. American capitalist cowards rigged the game by playing with knives
2. Heinous war criminal George W. Bush held the players hostage and tortured our brave women warriors with foul American pop music
3. NORTH KOREAN WOMEN SOCCER TEAM ACTUALLY WON. DO NOT BELIEVE FOUL WESTERN PIG LIES AND PROPAGANDA. ALL GLORY TO THE WONDROUS NATION OF NORTH KOREA!

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