Being a cog in the machine doesn't look so bad anymore.

Next time you go to a fancy restaurant take charge and signal for your own damn water. Take that maître d'!

Sammiches! Learn something!

What if I just give them a handful of thumbtacks and Lemonheads?

Remember kids, competitive eating is for professionals only. Don't try this at home unless you have a hankering for heart failure.

Who needs balanced whole foods that you have to cook for yourself when you can pay for convenience?

Please, as a former barista I beg you coffee drinkers of America to know what it is you want.