72 Hours of Romance

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72 Hours of Romance
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In an emergency I demand well-balanced, non-perishable meals. Also massive amounts of sodium.

Don't Eat the Cats

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Don't Eat the Cats
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Do they taste like mildew, cigarettes, old potpourri and cat pee like my great aunt's house smells?

Tricky Bastards

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Tricky Bastards
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Is there a worse example of DO NOT WANT? Ugh, who eats raisins on purpose?

Friends Get in the Way

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Friends Get in the Way
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I once knew a guy who could fit his mouth around a McDonald's fry carton. No joke. Talk about efficiency!

Who's Lip Balm is it?

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Who's Lip Balm is it?
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What's worse, nacho cheese in waxy, lip-smearing form, or the stuff with an indefinite shelf life that comes in a paint can that you voluntarily ingest?

Go Suck a Pickle

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Go Suck a Pickle
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Put it on a stick and someone will gladly put it in their mouth.

I Think You Have Eczema

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I Think You Have Eczema
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Sure lick your own wounds, but I'm not licking them for you.