Roadkill Buffet

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Roadkill Buffet
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Dudes, this guy has eaten nothing but dead animals he finds on the ground for the last 30 years! Talk about sustainably raised meat!

Ugh, That Bottle is So Fat

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Ugh, That Bottle is So Fat
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The only chickness you'll be witnessing is my ladylike fist ramming this sexist abomination down your throat. I mean, honey, can you open this for me? I just did my nails!

I'm on a Diet

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I'm on a Diet
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I can only eat foods that will fit on the end of my finger. Here's hoping I don't eat my finger.

Early Show: The Belly Finds a Way

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By Unknown
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This is just... well... I'd slap that baby too.

Late Show: Get on a Manly Diet

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The gunmetal grey can is how you know it's not for the ladies.