I've made it this far, maybe they'll have mercy and just let me rot and throw me away instead of eating me like my brothers.

Perk up there, captain drama! You're about to be part of an exciting new salad! The performance of a lifetime!

Oh Brochacho, we've been meaning to talk to you about your ice cream habit. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Cheer up, food court guy. Someone cares enough to capture and share your private misery!

Many mornings I spent at the neighbors' house before school eating the biggest bowl of OJ's I could handle because my parents wouldn't buy us sugary cereal. Check out the exhaustive list of discontinued cereals and join me in a sad, scary, emotionally raw walk down memory lane. Rice Krispie Treat Cereal, I'm coming for you!

Take control of the armrests and do not relent!

So someone bit off you lower half. BOO HOO. Cry me a river of spicy apple tears. No, really, I could use some more filling here.