Since when do we not want human intervention in our pizzas? I want that crust tossed by a mustachio'd man or no deal!

Hot Pie, you and your nasty food is just going to slow them down, just stay where you are.

I dunno, without Tom Hiddleston it lacks a certain super dreamy, I don't care how evil you are just smile at me sort of charm.

Okay I get it, you don't like crust! You're never eating pizza with me again.

I demand my measly $5 back, Subway! One inch is no trifling matter!

Poor Bethel, Alaska thought they were getting a Taco Bell but it was all a prank. No worries, Bethelites, you can always fly to Anchorage for your digestional distress.

I guess this is what our soldiers are up to on their down-time. Nice work, but it's so totally not Christmas.