Oh thank god, I have twelve hundred dollars burning a hole in my pocket and my toilet is SO BORING.
My dog learned to read and has been trying to poop in that yard for weeks. This explains his love for my old KISS records.
Fido has found the perfect spot to curl up with a good book. You can sit on his lap if you like.
"What's that on your stairs?"
"Oh that? It's an $8000 contraption to lift my fatass dog to the second floor."
"My, how INCREDIBLY USEFUL!"
What a relief, my real dog just refuses to hold still long enough to be furniture!
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