There's something hilarious to me about a satellite dish mounted outside the mouth of a cave, no matter how luxurious the cave.

In my deepest desires, everything in my life is this very shade of yellow. I'd like to perch on that counter and never leave.

Nigella Lawson has the most enviable library. Do you think those are all cookbooks?

I don't find myself to be agoraphobic but if faced with a vastness like this, I might develop it. I'd like to keep my house on a slight hill and my pool in the ground.

To get to the bed you have to pass though the scalding jets to make sure you're not bringing any foreign bodies with you. Handy.

Pine needles are a huge pain to clean out of a pool. This is the only way. Welcome to living in the woods!

Look, we all overlooked your difference in chemical composition for long enough. It's just not going to work out. You need to find a new place to live.