Excuse me, but could you change this to the LA Times?

Can yoo awlso pull out the ads? Dey are kind ob annoying.

Yes, Dear. Yep. Sure. Anything you say. Uhuh...sure

Dere's nuffin beddur dan reeding da papur in da mornin.

I can see tomorrow's headline: "Cat Flattens Owner With Steamroller".

Revenge will taste oh so sweet...

Son, we need to talk... I found your catnip

Doan't try an come up wib annee excyooses, nao, son.