Ohai hooman

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Yes, I hid teh goggie's fud, shredded every roll of toilet paper, threw up hairbalz in ur slippers, tore down the curtains, peed just owtside teh litter box and slept on ur favorite white sweater.

R u still mad at meh?

Oh wel. Ai'll relax sum udder way.

I'd load up on Preparation H if were you.

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The next time you see this hat it will be on the xray your surgeon takes so he can remove it.

Butt(!) doan't taek it purrsonally.