Why did I wee in front of 5000 people?!
"Stop following me! Git your own friends! Mom, tell him hez dopted."
Birth control. Why didn't I use birth control?
I has no egrets
One drunken night and a broken prophylactic
Years later, "old skateboard dude" wanted to go back in time and slap "young skateboard dude" for wasting time with that board.
I wish there was some kind of rollover plan for childhood naps I refused to take.