Congratulations, Mrs. Dorfmann, here's your Publisher's Clearinghouse grand prize. We ran out of money, so we're giving away one million babies. The rest are in the truck.

Got e-mail frum Nigerian philanthropist. Sez he found my bukkit. Needz elebendy thouzend dollerz for shipping and handling to mail back to me

How did you lose your bukkit in the first place?

Hey, fiscal restraint and dietary restraint aren't the same thing.

Why do they think we're so wise? They should see how much I spend on therapy...

FIGURE OUT WHAT TO BUY TO EQUAL $6.66 THEN GIVE THE CASHIER THIS LOOK

(Samuel L. Jackson)