Muh gawd.. Who grooms you... I fix u!
HEY! Where's the Coffee In my Morning Milk?
Free Lolcat with ebry roast!
I'm sorry, but the list has been made, and checked twice. You are defintely on the 'naughty' list. I'm preparing your 'present' as we speak.
"The Internet is a series of tubes filled with cats." Exhibit A: One Lolcat (smallest currency unit)
Your opening is fine. It's you endgame strategy that needs work.