I was touched by an angel! Now we are going to call CPS, you sick freak!
Now get a little closer to the well, Timmy. Lassie won't mind.
Turns out, you DON'T go to hell for masturbating.
No, seriously... Just jump. I've totally got your back. It'll be SOOO cool, I promise! Don't worry about those bodies down there... I've got the timing down this time.