Turns out, you DON'T go to hell for masturbating.
No, seriously... Just jump. I've totally got your back. It'll be SOOO cool, I promise! Don't worry about those bodies down there... I've got the timing down this time.
Now get a little closer to the well, Timmy. Lassie won't mind.
I was touched by an angel! Now we are going to call CPS, you sick freak!